I spend a lot of time at night thinking about my future.

I don’t know what exactly about it. there are no specific reoccurring thoughts that tend to keep me up at night, but I can feel the weight of the thoughts. like a giant network of lighting. buzzing, buzzing, buzzing; thoughts leaping across synapses.

life, love, health, wealth; for myself, my family, my friends. how does one bear the weight of these responsibilities? better yet, one does one feel compelled to help others in this capacity to begin with? what is a man but, hopefully, his best; but more often, average, at most.

I do not know. I likely never will. This has been a repeated theme in these blogs and will continue to be so.

they say fear is the mind killer. or something like that. sometimes I think fear is the will-sharpener. what do you do when you’re backed into a corner? do you fight, or do you perish like a dog? this is what fear reveals to you. not anxiety. not a bad day. not a rough week. fear.

what do you do when there’s seemingly nothing else you can do?

that’s who you are.